Merry Christmas Everyone!!!

"Hey Santa. How you doin' big guy? Wanna play my sax?"

http://www.sketchysantas.com/

In the News - Tequila Saves Lives "Yeah, TEQUILA!"

A California teen is back home for the holidays after the successful, seven-month-long treatment of a brain tumor that was only discovered after he made a dangerous mistake before school one day. Last May the 13-year-old took a dare from his friends and downed eight shots of tequila as fast as he could. He passed out and was rushed to the emergency room to be treated for alcohol poisoning. A CT scan revealed a tumor in the brain of the unsuspecting eighth grader. The dangerous lapse in judgment turned out to be a blessing.

God bless you tequila. You're a life saver!

http://cbs13.com/local/brain.tumor.drinking.2.1384659.html

In the News - Don't Pet the Beavers

"Nice beaver." "Thanks I stuffed it myself."
A five year old boy in Oklahoma tried to pet a 60-pound beaver. The angry beaver apparently didn't want to be petted and took a big chunk out of the boy's leg. A good lesson for that little guy - It's fun to pet beavers, but WATCH OUT cuz they'll turn on you when you least expect it.

http://www.koco.com/news/22042422/detail.html

In the News - Vaginas Are Not Clown Cars

This crazy Duggar family is up to 19 kids now after recently squeezing out another one. The dad's name is Jim Bob.

In the News - All the Monkeys are Kung Fu Fightttting

Lo Wung had a great idea to make a little extra money. In Nshi, Hubei Province, the Chinese man had a bunch of monkeys that he’d trained for a show. Why not train them to do taekwondo? I mean, it’s an Olympic sport, Chinese people love the martial arts, and everyone loves a monkey! You couldn’t get a better combination of tricks to encourage public donation! Unfortunately for Lo Wung, he taught his monkeys too well and they turned on him, assaulting their master with their kung-fu skills.
It’s a classic martial arts movie set-up; the ungrateful student turns against the master. except in this case, the students were primates, who punched, kicked, and even attacked their owner with a stick! Wung got his pets under control by tangling them up with the ropes he uses to keep them from running off, but only after taking a pretty good beating. I guess he never thought to take into account the monkey’s natural love of violence before he taught them how to fight.

Did you notice the smile on the monkey's face? Too funny.

In the News - Hey Baby, Can I Bum a Chew?

(Associated Press) When pregnant Cambodian women suffer morning sickness, they often reach for an unlikely source of relief: a wad of chewing tobacco. Many become hooked. The largest tobacco survey ever conducted in Cambodia found that about half of all women older than 48 regularly chew tobacco, and about one in five rural women first took up the habit during pregnancy, to soothe their prenatal nausea.

I know when I feel nauseous the first thing I reach for is a big wad of chew.

A Short and Sweet Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a beautiful girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode mountain bikes and motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and skiing and played golf a lot and drank beer and whiskey and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

The End

In the News - Video Games or ME?

(Yahoo Sports) Andy Murray, British tennis pro, the No. 4 ranked player in the world, was dumped by his long-time girlfriend Kim Sears due, in part, to the fact that he spent up to seven hours a day playing video games.

You make the call.

In the News - Tiger and Tail...LOTS OF TAIL

HALF!!!

Eeny meeny miny moe,
Tiger catches tail no more,
Elin hollered so redo the prenup,
Eeny meeny major OOPSIES!

In the News - Don't Get Busted in Louisiana

(CNN) Steven Seagal, 58, who has a second home in bayou country, is a fully commissioned deputy and spends several months a year in Louisiana. While on the force, he usually works five-day shifts.

Tips: 1) Don't get busted in Louisiana. 2) If you do get busted, don't try out your 4th grade karate on the arresting officer, especially if it is Steven Seagal. YIKES!

EAT ME!!!....I'M A TURKEY!

Happy Thanksgiving! Be sure to eat lots of breast meat. It's the best!

In the News - Gingers Watch Your Back

(CNN) -- The beating of 12-year-old boy by a group of classmates at a Southern California middle school may be linked to a Facebook posting encouraging kids to target redheads, authorities say. A Facebook page stating that Friday was "Kick a Ginger Day," referring to redheads and possibly inspired by an episode of the "South Park" series.

In the News - Peruvians Kill Fat People to Sell Their Fat

Police in Peru have broken up a gang that allegedly killed dozens of people in order to extract and sell their fat for use in cosmetics. Apparently they haven't watched Fight Club in Peru. You don't need to kill people to get their fat. You just get it out of the lipo clinic dumpsters like Brad Pitt did.

In the News - The NFL Cracks Down on Drunk Fans

The NFL announced today that it is cracking down drunken and disruptive fans by limiting tailgating to 3½ hours before each game. What's next? Are they going to ban drinking all morning on the golf course before you go to the stadium. GEEEZ!?!? NFL hard asses.

Sweet Ride

No Kids Allowed!

The reason why our kids are NOT invited to the TF.

Mr. Squiggles?

Zhu Zhu Pets Hamster Mr. Squiggles is quickly becoming the hottest new must have pet. There are many reasons why this particular Zhu Zhu Pets hamster is so popular. Since he has a light brown coat he looks very much like a real hamster. He's fussy and the most adventurous of all the Zhu Zhu Pets. He is constantly on the go. When you see him running all around you will be saying that this guy has more energy than a REAL hamster!

Seriously? WOW! I bet the boys in marketing had fun with this little write-up. However, they don't mention if it has been declawed or not.